Woman: “Hello…hey how are you? How’s your family…. ok ah? blah blah blah…oohhh…. where are you staying now?….blah blah blah…ohh… I see I see. So good to hear from you now. Anyway, just wanted to invite you to my wedding. It’s on _ _ at _ _. Do you think you and your family can make it? Can you let me know if you could come and how many pax? great. thanks. by the way, are you still working in the same place? blah blah blah…..blah blah blah blah” at least 5 minutes later (sometimes 15 minutes later). “Ok. I’ll be contacting you to pass you the invitation card when it’s ready k? Take care now. Bye bye.

Man: “Hello. Hey. How are you? I’m fine thanks. I want to book your calendar for Nov 5th for my wedding. It’s at _ _ . Bring your family k? I’ll put you in for 2 pax. Send you the invitation when ready. Thanks. Take care. Bye!” Whole conversation only about 2 minutes (sometimes less)

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

Really? Are we awake or asleep? Was this all just a dream?

Went to the dentist today because one of my old fillings chipped off two days ago. While sitting in the dreadful chair, I could feel myself trembling inside. I expected it to be painful. When the doctor put some drilling tool into my mouth, suddenly, I just remembered something I learnt lately and I surrendered. I just stared blankly at the ceiling of the white room and tried to stop my mind from contributing all the fear it has been possessing me since yesterday. I don’t know how many seconds it was before my mind came back to haunt me again.

The whole dental experience wasn’t that bad after all. There were moments when it was uncomfortable but definitely nothing as excruciating as what was played in my mind for the last 24 hours or so. This lesson couldn’t have come in a more appropriate time. Just as I was learning to control my mind, some forces beyond me just pulled all things together to give me this very crucial lesson. I’m thankful.

Two mornings ago, I woke up and murmured something extraordinary. I don’t know if it’s was something I dreamt about or what. Sadly, I didn’t finished the sentence so the message was still unrevealed. I can’t tell you what it was but if I were to find out what the full message was, I will let you know.

It got me thinking, however. Gosh. I need to stop thinking too much. Our mind, if not used properly, can be our greatest enemy. Within a week, I’ve read both of Eckhart Tolle’s books – Power of Now and A New Earth. I started with Power of Now and it took me two and half days to finish it. The concept totally just blew me away. As soon as I was done, I couldn’t resist reading his next book. A New Earth explains even further and with more practical methods for us to use. All I ever needed was already within me. What a revelation! Now… to find out if it’s all true.

I won’t go into the contents of the books. I suggest that you read it.

“The past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.” – Eckhart Tolle

Wow… what a powerful statement! If you really give this statement your attention, you’ll find that it’s very true, isn’t it? Everything is about our ego. Even this blog is ego-related for me (and this is perhaps why I don’t find a need to write lately anymore … sorry folks). Our egoic mind is deceiving.

As I’ve mentioned in my earlier posts, I’m searching for spiritual answers. All books that I’ve read constantly reminded me of this thing called “consciousness” and how one can find it. Could it be I’m reading too much of books from spiritual teachers of the same sort? With so much time on my hand, I should probably branch out from new age and dive more into the older type of spiritual scriptures. Perhaps for comparison purposes? Anthony Robbins taught me to not take other people’s words blindly and to choose what I want to believe.

Now, I am practising “being aware”, “watching the thinker”, “having stillness” and etc from his books. One thing is for sure, I really do find it peaceful to be in silence. Just 2 days of doing all the things above had already made me feel like a different person with interesting experiences. I won’t share with you what the new experiences are because I may be wrong. I will continue to observe and lets see how it goes.

It has been a while since I last update my blog. Yesterday, my friend Lowie asked me about it. She lives all the way in Singapore and I guess it’s hard for us to keep in touch often. Our blogs are a good way to update each other what we’re up to. Haha. Sorry. I told her I’m just too lazy and also prefer to keep more things private these days.

Realizing that my wedding is less than 5 months away, I’ve been picking up wedding planning again. Due to budget constraints and that I love a lot of pretty stuffs, I’m going to DIY a few things so that I can afford some better things. Of course, this is with help from my staff and family. These are the while clouds. Wedding DIY Project Kick Off!

I’m currently in some mode I don’t know how to explain. I am still finding answers to a lot of things. I am reading even more books and listening to more audio tapes now. I try to meditate as often as possible, ie when I have some quiet time. I just want to find out the spiritual part of life. Ever since I started, it seems like there are a few great miracles and coincidences in my life albeit small. These are still white clouds.

I’m trying to find new businesses to have. This time, I will start small. I hope it’ll turn out right. These are still white clouds.

A call from a property agent few days again bearing a good news for another property we invested. Yay! These are definitely white clouds.

I guess there are no dark clouds lately.

It’s another 8 more days before I step into my 3rd decade. As part of self reflection, I tried to recall most events in my life so far. The things I’ve done in my 2nd decade had been so ermm… adventurous?

I’ve a lot of happy events and sad events.
I’ve a lot of “first times”.
I’ve experienced being pushed to the edge and really trying to give up on this life.
I’ve experienced being surrounded with many people who truly loves me.
I’ve pushed myself to do things I’ve feared.
I’ve watched whales.
I’ve eaten fire.
I’ve walked on fire.
I’ve been to Empire State Building,
I’ve white water rafted.
I’ve watched two operas.
I’ve trekked Appalachian.
I’ve found my true love and got married.
I’ve been to Great Barrier Reef.
I’ve met Anthony Robbins, my idol.
I’ve bought a few properties.
I’ve found a fix to my long term acne problem.
I’ve wrote to a magazine.
I’ve went to Disney World, Orlando… my childhood dreams.
I’ve turned half vegan.

It has been a really interesting ride so far.

I think my 3rd decade will be even better.

Can’t wait!

Day 7 of our strict diet and we’re getting used to it. Today, we tried frying rice with just vege, liquid amino and rock salt. I was unsure if this adventurous trial will be too bland because there’s no egg/meat/soy sauce. Turned out to be tasty.

Hubby and I have been watching relationship videos from Tony Robbins. It’s wonderful how he helped to turn around married couples who are going to split up. I’ve learnt so much and also asked myself how I can improve my marriage. Honestly speaking, this whole getting married thing isn’t really one smooth process. We’ve been fighting about many things before we went to Australia. It was very frustrating and I had a lot of doubts in my head.

Now, I have some wonderful tips in my hand on how to maintain a passionate relationship. I understand why I’ve been feeling so miserable. My sense of responsibility is so strong. From young, my parents turned to me when they needed someone responsible in my house. They reinforce this behavior by verbally rewarding me. When I started working, I began to put on a masculine mask in the society so that people won’t think I’m weak. I used to not accept it when people said I’m not capable because I’m a woman. These two qualities I’ve held on to has put off the feminism in me. When I bring them into my relationship, I felt so miserable. Feminism is my true identity but I’m going against it everyday for survival. In fact, I am quite a motherly person. No joking. I know now that I need to tone down my masculinity when I’m with him and embrace my feminism. I trust that my hubby will take care of me and he has assured me. I must be the luckiest person on earth.

I actually enjoy wedding planning. There’s just so much to look forward to. I was very picky and choosy earlier, wanting to take care of all the minor details. I wanted it to be perfect. Now, I feel more relaxed because I know at the end of the day, it’s not about the wedding. It’s about the marriage. I can’t wait to enjoy my wedding and excited that we both have a wonderful life to experience together.

Outside Sydney Fish Market

Lovely day out in the sea with many yatchs

Mr No 1 in my life, who made all things possible

Tony Robbins gave us a 10 days challenge to increase our energy. There are a few simple lifestyle changes, mainly food, to make. He said if we were to do so and feel the energy, we will never want to go back.

So today is my first day alkalizing. Needless to wonder, I must have a very acidic blood inside due to my poor diet before this. One of the hardest things are to cut coffee and sugar. since I’ve been relying on coffee and also indulging in a lot of sweet stuff, my day wasn’t a very good one. Headaches and low energy. In addition, it is that time of the month for me so my hormones made me even weaker. After naps and naps, hubby and I finally forced ourselves to hangout in Bondi Beach.

In Bondi Beach, I jogged and did the recommended vital breathing. Instantly, I felt better. There’s something about the ocean. It always calms me. On our way home, we dropped by a store and bought some herbal and fruit teas to replace coffee.

I quite like the weather in Sydney. We purposely went the longer way and took the ferry back to my cousin’s house. The wind was awesome. The view of Sydney and its harbour is just breathtaking.

The guy who will change hubby and my life.

This weekend was a pretty eventful one. On top of covering night shifts for my shop, I’ve attended a 3 days seminar (starting from yesterday). The seminar was conducted by Robert G Allen and Patric Chan and it’s called “Multiple Streams of Income in a Flash”. Tomorrow is the last day. With so many information given to me in the last two days, I’m mentally exhausted. Now, I am like a zombie working in my shop. Anyway, I thought that blogging will keep my mind away from my tiredness.

What have I learned from the seminar and about myself?

Let me start by telling what I’ve learned from the seminar. Two things, really. The first thing was nothing new to me. It’s Internet Marketing. Patric Chan is one of the well-known Internet Marketer from Penang. He showed us some tricks and tweaks we can all use to start up Internet Marketing. Of course, there are more to it. The other thing I learned was from Robert G Allen. I learned about Infopreneuring. When it comes to this subject, I have an inkling of what it really is but I didn’t really know how powerful it can be until today. Wow! I now know the secrets behind some of the most successful people in this world.

One of my mentors once told me it’s not how many seminars you go to, it’s how much results you get from each of them. Do I think this seminar is good for me? Yeah. Of course. Although i am not that interested in Internet Marketing nor am I ready to be an Infopreneur, I know very soon in the future I’ll be using what I’ve learned this weekend to enhance my wealth. For now, I just have a lot of challenges (or what my friend would call it as “projects”) to take care of and this leads me to what I’ve learned about myself last two days…

The most important thing I realised is that I’m currently in a position where my self-esteem is at all time low. I guess this isn’t the lowest I’ve been but I definitely got to start picking myself up. I can’t tell you why I feel this way. I know why I do, however. And I realised this self-defeated position has affected my health in such a way that I’m not as energetic as I used to it. Me, few years back, was so fit and energetic. Today, it is as though somebody took the life or some people called it as enthusiasm, out of me. Nevertheless, i will not quit. i will keep going. As the analogy Robert used, I got to continue climbing the mountain and reach the top.

That’s all from now. Time to rest…

Wedding is all about shopping shopping shopping. Honestly speaking, I’m getting very tired of all this. I love shopping but having a budget all the time sucks. I feel like not caring too much about all these wedding stuffs. Also, I felt a little disappointed with something that happened today. So disappointed it kind of killed my excitement and gave me a taste of bitterness I’ve never had. If I rule the world, I will say there’s no need for a wedding. Marriage is between two person only, ie the commitment between two person. So, what’s up with spending a whole lot of money for ONE day and then suffer a while after the wedding. What is the point? Seriously, think about it. If I get to choose, I would spend that money for travelling and build a more comfortable house because that would last. Well, the reality is that this is not possible and we still have to succumb to the society’s expectation. So….

*calming down* ohmmmmm… *calming down* ohmmmmm ohmmmmm… Break my pattern. NOW.

The lesson from this is that I MUST GET RICH! If we are rich, this will no longer be a challenge. I MUST BE RICH. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

***************************************

Actually, today wasn’t all bad. This morning was pretty good. I went all the way to KL to attend Pei San’s ROM. Went around looking at some wedding art and craft supplies in KL before the event. Bumped into my ex-colleagues. Haven’t seen them for a looooong time. That was kind of nice.

Pei San’s ROM was funny and nice. She looked absolutely stunning. I’m so happy for her. *Sob *Sob.

Today had been a very challenging day with a lot of good news. My supervisor staff took one week holiday so I had to cover for her in the mornings. I woke up very early to start up my restaurant. Yesterday, a major water pipe bursted and disrupted the whole street’s water supply. SYABAS was working all night to dig up the broken pipe and replaced it. When I reach my shop this morning, they were still fixing it. The pipe was right in front of my shop. All the work caused my shop’s pavement to become very dirty/muddy. I had to lead my staff in improvising with what we can. SYABAS finished their work around 930am and we quickly put everything back in order. Before we’re even done, the town council’s crew were at my door step doing their twice a year rounds to inspect on our cleanliness. At the same time, my supplier called and rushed me to fax some things over! Wow….seriously. It was a wonderful morning!

On Sunday, I’ve closed a sales that I was fighting for for two months! I can’t believe I did it! These customers was very very difficult. I had so much challenge talking to both parties and it affected me so much I was about to give up. It kind of killed some confidence I had. I persisted, however, and never did I lose my temper (in front of them at least). In the end, my customers actually complimented me. He said I was hardworking, smart in doing my homework and he’ll refer me to his friends. This made my day. I didn’t expect that at all. After this meeting, I met up with a few friends and my friend asked me to consider joining him with his new business. While I am not sure if I will be doing it, it hit me once again that I’ve become more and more of a sales oriented person. I love it! I love selling. I cannot go back to my computer IT job. Really. It all started with the temporary job I had with FAA last year. It forced me to put on my selling hat and I’ve never taken it off since.

Everyday from now onwards, I’m going to do something to improve myself, my life and etc. Things have been really good. I love it! I want to keep the momentum going. This afternoon, I’ve received two calls which made me very very happy!

Things are going to change again. Yippie.

********************

Before I forget, the subject of this post was chosen because I wanted to write something about Rapunzel. After my shift today, he brought me to watch Rapunzel in our favorite cinema. The movie was really fun and funny. I love it. The voice of Rapunzel sounded familiar and I spent at least half an hour trying to figure out who it was. Finally, it hit me. Mandy Moore! and I was right! Such a feel good movie. I’ve always like princess stories. My favorite was Beauty and the Beast. It brings back a lot of childhood memories as my late mum brought me to watch this cartoon in a real cinema for the first time. Also, I watched a live musical version of it in MGM theme park in Disney World. Nothing quite like it. Rapunzel is good as well. Bravo Disney!

2010 was a very challenging year but it also brought a lot of personal growth. While trying to connect the dots here, I’m seeing more and more of what the Universe is trying to reveal to me. So far, I’m learning to let the bygones be the bygones. Admit my mistakes, learn from it and move on.