“The past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.” – Eckhart Tolle

Wow… what a powerful statement! If you really give this statement your attention, you’ll find that it’s very true, isn’t it? Everything is about our ego. Even this blog is ego-related for me (and this is perhaps why I don’t find a need to write lately anymore … sorry folks). Our egoic mind is deceiving.

As I’ve mentioned in my earlier posts, I’m searching for spiritual answers. All books that I’ve read constantly reminded me of this thing called “consciousness” and how one can find it. Could it be I’m reading too much of books from spiritual teachers of the same sort? With so much time on my hand, I should probably branch out from new age and dive more into the older type of spiritual scriptures. Perhaps for comparison purposes? Anthony Robbins taught me to not take other people’s words blindly and to choose what I want to believe.

Now, I am practising “being aware”, “watching the thinker”, “having stillness” and etc from his books. One thing is for sure, I really do find it peaceful to be in silence. Just 2 days of doing all the things above had already made me feel like a different person with interesting experiences. I won’t share with you what the new experiences are because I may be wrong. I will continue to observe and lets see how it goes.

It has been a while since I last update my blog. Yesterday, my friend Lowie asked me about it. She lives all the way in Singapore and I guess it’s hard for us to keep in touch often. Our blogs are a good way to update each other what we’re up to. Haha. Sorry. I told her I’m just too lazy and also prefer to keep more things private these days.

Realizing that my wedding is less than 5 months away, I’ve been picking up wedding planning again. Due to budget constraints and that I love a lot of pretty stuffs, I’m going to DIY a few things so that I can afford some better things. Of course, this is with help from my staff and family. These are the while clouds. Wedding DIY Project Kick Off!

I’m currently in some mode I don’t know how to explain. I am still finding answers to a lot of things. I am reading even more books and listening to more audio tapes now. I try to meditate as often as possible, ie when I have some quiet time. I just want to find out the spiritual part of life. Ever since I started, it seems like there are a few great miracles and coincidences in my life albeit small. These are still white clouds.

I’m trying to find new businesses to have. This time, I will start small. I hope it’ll turn out right. These are still white clouds.

A call from a property agent few days again bearing a good news for another property we invested. Yay! These are definitely white clouds.

I guess there are no dark clouds lately.

Yesterday, hubby and I went for our pre-wedding photo shoot. It was just a tiring day and I hope it’s all worth it. I actually enjoyed it even though my skin is burning from too much exposure to sun. They didn’t allow me to use sunscreen to preserve the dewy feel of my skin. My photographer was incredibly funny. Anyway, thank goodness that it’s over now. Can’t wait to view the photos 2 weeks later.

I slept before 12 last night and woke up to my phone vibrating non stop with every birthday wishes from all over the place. Thank you everyone!

It’s another 8 more days before I step into my 3rd decade. As part of self reflection, I tried to recall most events in my life so far. The things I’ve done in my 2nd decade had been so ermm… adventurous?

I’ve a lot of happy events and sad events.
I’ve a lot of “first times”.
I’ve experienced being pushed to the edge and really trying to give up on this life.
I’ve experienced being surrounded with many people who truly loves me.
I’ve pushed myself to do things I’ve feared.
I’ve watched whales.
I’ve eaten fire.
I’ve walked on fire.
I’ve been to Empire State Building,
I’ve white water rafted.
I’ve watched two operas.
I’ve trekked Appalachian.
I’ve found my true love and got married.
I’ve been to Great Barrier Reef.
I’ve met Anthony Robbins, my idol.
I’ve bought a few properties.
I’ve found a fix to my long term acne problem.
I’ve wrote to a magazine.
I’ve went to Disney World, Orlando… my childhood dreams.
I’ve turned half vegan.

It has been a really interesting ride so far.

I think my 3rd decade will be even better.

Can’t wait!

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. In less than a week, I’ve received two unfortunate news about two of my friends who lost their mothers. The worst was today’s sudden news of misfortune death. In addition to my sympathy for my friends, I sure miss my mum a lot.

Lately, I have been reading a lot of spiritual books and audiotapes. I have this desire to know more. I want to know the things beyond scientific explanations. I listen to tapes about Buddha and I am reading a book about Jesus. My intention is not to find a religion. I just wanted to know more.

There’s this really good book I’m halfway reading that talks about the phenomenon called “coincidences” and “luck”. When two incidents happen at the same at a certain time, could it be just a coincidence? Or could there be forces beyond what we can perceive/smell/taste/see/feel that are responsible for it? The author in this book is educating us about the universal force that encompass all of us. If you think about it, we are really nothing but a set of atoms. Just like how animations are made out of slides flickering so fast it’s transparent to our naked eyes, could there be more to this world that is way beyond what parts of our body are capable to sense? Very mind boggling but we all know it could be true. We are after all just a type of species in this world and we see the world as much as we’re capable of only.

As I’m reading this book, I take moments to think back about times when coincidences happened. Or the incidents that happened by “luck” which changed my life. A good example would be that really blessed moment when I meet my hubby. It happened by such a slim chance. The mere thought of a slight twist in the incident would have prevented me from knowing my soulmate makes me jitter.

Interesting subject. I think things really happen for a reason. It’s darn true for me. The happy and unhappy incidents in my past shaped who I am today. The people who agonized and hurt me, my mum’s death, my overseas experience, my changing of jobs, my business affair, the people I met, etc etc etc. Just so many meaningful coincidence in the past. Some I didn’t heed and now that I’m more aware of it, I am wondering how my life would have been if I took the signs. Oh well, no point looking back with regrets. I look forward to all the future coincidences.

I’ve been running around so much I have no time for blogging. Okay. That’s not a good excuse. I can always find time to write. The truth is I’m lazy to blog. Haha. My schedule has been the tightest ever and I’m actually enjoying being busy.

Tomorrow, we’re driving up Cameron Highlands for a short road trip for his birthday. Can’t wait!!

Last few days, my bestie helped me to get a box of pH strips from her pharmacy friend. I’ve started testing everything I laid my eyes on – the water, my pee and everything else. Here are my observations. Tap water is slightly acidic but more towards neutral. My pee? You don’t want to know that. Few months back, my dad bought an alkaline water machine called Hexagon from Cosway. They claimed that it’s alkaline water but I did a test today and yeah..it sure is alkaline but only pH 8 (almost close to pH 7) …not good enough. According to the expert Dr Robert Young, the water should be around pH 9 to 11. Hmm… He recommended either Chanson or Jupiter brands but they’re both so expensive. I don’t even think I can find Chanson in Malaysia. What can I do to afford this? Hmm… I definitely want to buy a good water filter alkaline ionizer machine for my new home later.

Hubby has committed to be a vegetarian. We’ve stopped eating meat for a few weeks now and no cravings whatsoever. Earlier, we were on this because of alkaline diet. Occasionally, we were still cheating by having meat, butter, milk produced products and eggs. But this youtube video was a leverage that did it for us and we’re on to strict vegetarianism. It’s compassion and health reasons now.

BEWARE! DISTURBING IMAGES. VIEWER’S DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

People asked me, what about my restaurant? Well, even though we’ve decided to be vegetarians, we still need to respect other people’s wish to be non-vegetarian. I still need to do QC on my shop’s food so I am not a full vegetarian. I do avoid dairy, meat, eggs and anything produced by animals when outside my restaurant.

We’ve completed our 10 days challenge. Feeling really good about our body, we celebrated our victory by going for a steamboat buffet. Bad move. We chose only fishes and vegetables to eat. We ended up not eating a lot after all because somehow our stomach shrunk after the 10 days. I told hubby that we won’t be going for steamboat buffets anymore. It’s just now worth it.

Today, I cooked something new. Curry chickpeas! I’ve never cooked it before but I’ve cooked tonnes of curry chicken in the past. This time, I added a lot more spices than before. Surprisingly, it was delicious. Just the sight of hubby scooping up every last drop of the curry makes me feel very happy and satisfied. Cheap thrill. Tsk tsk. We’ve been eating in a lot and cooking. It’s just easier to maintain healthier lifestyle this way although it’s a bit time consuming. I forgot how nice it is to cook and it can be very therapeutic.

7+km cable car ride to Kuranda.

At one of the hill top

A rainbow next to big Barron Falls (view from cable car)

There’s just something about rainbows. It makes you feel happy and grateful for mother nature’s work of art.

Two days ago, I met an online friend all the way from Penang. He’s a team leader in some network marketing company and doing very well. As we were talking, it’s obvious to know that I’m a person who is lost and he’s one person who has figured everything out. He looks very happy and contented with his life. It was fun to finally meet him and I must say that I admire his confidence. The next morning, he sent me a poem by Kent M. Keith.

Anyway

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

Hmmmm…….I must say I don’t quite enjoy the slightly pessimistic tone of the poem but I guess maybe I’m not to that level to understand yet.

Day 7 of our strict diet and we’re getting used to it. Today, we tried frying rice with just vege, liquid amino and rock salt. I was unsure if this adventurous trial will be too bland because there’s no egg/meat/soy sauce. Turned out to be tasty.

Hubby and I have been watching relationship videos from Tony Robbins. It’s wonderful how he helped to turn around married couples who are going to split up. I’ve learnt so much and also asked myself how I can improve my marriage. Honestly speaking, this whole getting married thing isn’t really one smooth process. We’ve been fighting about many things before we went to Australia. It was very frustrating and I had a lot of doubts in my head.

Now, I have some wonderful tips in my hand on how to maintain a passionate relationship. I understand why I’ve been feeling so miserable. My sense of responsibility is so strong. From young, my parents turned to me when they needed someone responsible in my house. They reinforce this behavior by verbally rewarding me. When I started working, I began to put on a masculine mask in the society so that people won’t think I’m weak. I used to not accept it when people said I’m not capable because I’m a woman. These two qualities I’ve held on to has put off the feminism in me. When I bring them into my relationship, I felt so miserable. Feminism is my true identity but I’m going against it everyday for survival. In fact, I am quite a motherly person. No joking. I know now that I need to tone down my masculinity when I’m with him and embrace my feminism. I trust that my hubby will take care of me and he has assured me. I must be the luckiest person on earth.

I actually enjoy wedding planning. There’s just so much to look forward to. I was very picky and choosy earlier, wanting to take care of all the minor details. I wanted it to be perfect. Now, I feel more relaxed because I know at the end of the day, it’s not about the wedding. It’s about the marriage. I can’t wait to enjoy my wedding and excited that we both have a wonderful life to experience together.

Outside Sydney Fish Market

Lovely day out in the sea with many yatchs

Mr No 1 in my life, who made all things possible

Day 3 of our strict Alkaline diet. I’m still feeling wonderful. Last night, both of us went shopping for our favorite Bean Curd Skin (Foo Chok). Very hard to find outside of Pasar indeed. We ended up buying from a stall that sells Lobak.

Caught up with work and friends…. still am. Yesterday, one friend asked me for Aussie trip photos and I told her I’m too lazy to post. She said that for a blogger, I don’t have a lot of photos on my blog. I told her that I’m not a celebrity blogger and I don’t plan on being one. Later, another friend asked me to put teaser images in my blog so he could have a sneak preview before viewing the photos from me in person. Much later, my fookies told me to upload on fb and make it private. Argh.

Well, I’ve listened to all of them. Uploaded albums in fb but only some have access. And here’s my teaser photo….

You have a problem?

Okay okay… After some thoughts, I’ll post photos but spread them out a little. Bit by bit to remind myself of the commitments I’ve made in this trip. Here’s another two more for today.

Yesterday, hubby and I started the 10 days challenge all over again and this time we’re going to be strict. We went shopping for food and stocked up our shelves. I must admit, I’m struggling trying to eat raw greens but it’s worth it.

This morning I woke up feeling…Wooohhh! Last night, I closed my shop and only got to go to bed at 2am. I had to wake up at 6am again to cover morning shift. In the past, I would feel very tired and sleep. Today, I feel great! I can’t wait to leave work, catch up with my girlies and do my laundry later.